Tantric Massage Guide for Lovers
An authentic tantric massage deepens our sense of intimacy through sensitive touch and deep connections. It goes way beyond simple physical pleasure. With its almost magical power, no wonder it attracts so many people to seek a professional tantric massage, or to learn how to give a tantric massage to their partners or lovers.
This Intimate Guide to Tantric massage is perhaps the most comprehensive yet succinct one you will find. Not only does it show you how to give a tantric massage to your lover, but it also guides you on how to receive one. It takes two to tango. There is something for each side to learn to make it work better, just like in all relationships.
In case you do not know what tantric massage is about, what the benefits are, or whether it is for you and your lover, you may want to read up Tantric Massage Therapy for some background as well.
So, are you ready?
In this Intimate Guide, we will go through three major parts:
Part 1: The Preparation
Part 2: The Tantric Massage
Part 3: The End is a Beginning
Part 1: The Preparation
A Tantric partnership
Tantra is a path towards intimate connection. So both of you need to be on board with this adventure to truly reap its benefits. When both of you are enthusiastic, tantric massage can truly do its magic. But if your partner is not fully convinced yet, you can start by introducing some tantric elements into your intimate time together, such as eye gazing or synchronized breathing. See how it feels. Perhaps it would ignite his or her curiosity to learn tantric massage with you.
Boundaries and respect
Clarity is the real sexy. Tantra is fiery, not wishy-washy. So be honest, even when you both share the intention to try tantra massage, there may be things that one of you would like to try that the other one may not be so enthusiastic about. A typical example of divergent feelings among lovers is about anal massage or prostate massage. Say yes when it is a yes, say no when it is a no, all straight from your heart, no matter if it is about receiving or giving. Personal power resides exactly in this clarity. There is nothing sexier than being able to own this personal power within yourself. When both of you give a clear yes, there will be fireworks.
Make it a Date
Find a time when you will be undisturbed. Just the two of you. This may not be easy for busy couples, given your full schedules and when each of you is already multi-tasking with kids, family duties, a career, and so on. But do set time aside for it. No matter if you are newly dating or if you have been together for ages, tantric massage will kindle the fire in your relationship. So, make the effort to create this quality time together, because you deserve the undivided attention of each other.
Sensual tantric space
Ignite your senses. Dim the light and lit some candles. Lay out some fairy lights for a hue of softness and romance. Bring in flowers and plants, because they are the emissaries of the divine in the form of beauty and tenderness. Turn on some soothing music or sound that calms the nerves too. Keep the volume low, because you would want to hear the moans and sighs of your lover too. Use essential oils to infuse the atmosphere with sweetness, passion, or serenity as you desire. For example, ylang-ylang is for sensuality, sandalwood evokes sacredness, or lavender brings calmness. And why not a mixture of them to create a space dedicated to sacred sexuality?
Oil for tantric massage
Use natural, food-grade oil for the massage, so you are nourishing the skin directly. It can be a mixture of anything like grapeseed oil, rice barn oil, coconut oil, etc. Check in your kitchen first, perhaps you will find all you need. For internal use, such as yoni massage or prostate massage, the best would be pure coconut oil, and without adding any scent, not even the highest-grade essential oil. If you prefer ready-made massage oil, check the ingredients to avoid artificial scents or anything artificial. Never use mineral oil because it dries the skin.
Part 2: The Tantric Massage
Having a step-by-step plan may boost your confidence enormously, especially when you are starting out. You do not need to do everything by the book. Keep it simple, choose some elements, and see how it goes first. If it turns out easy, bring in more elements for inspiration next time. Also, a plan is meant to be a reference rather than a checklist. There is no need to stress out if you end up not following your plan. As long as you both enjoy this intimate time together, it is a success.
Take a shower. It is a tantric ritual for entering the sacred realm of the senses. Imagine walking through the opening of a cave at the base of a waterfall. Through the water, you are entering another realm. Let it splash down from above your head and roll down your skin towards your feet. Clearing your mind, becoming refreshingly clean. Both of you will take this ritualistic shower. One by one, not together. The massage giver can take this ritualistic shower first as the last part of the preparation. After that, you are fully ready to welcome your lover into the sacred space you have prepared.
Presence means having your attention here and now, undistracted. Embodied presence means anchoring your awareness into your body, in your sensations, and inyour breathing as it occurs. Sit facing each other in silence with your eyes closed. Breath slowly, bring your attention to each part of your body gradually, and feel how it feels at this present moment. Let go of any thoughts. Give it at least a few minutes, or until both of you feel that you are fully present, then proceed to the next step.
Once you feel fully present, put one hand on your own heart, and then put your other hand on top of your partner’s hand on his or her chest. Feel your own heart beat, and feel each other’s heart beat. Remain in silence, let this pulsing resonate through yourself and each other. With the utmost simplicity, you would discover a connection at a new depth and intensity. You may also experiment with mutual touching of other parts of the body. For example, hands on belly, holding hands, or interlacing your fingers. Do it with your full presence. It is a physical manifestation of your intimacy.
HeART of touch
Tantric touch is the art of touching from the heart. There are numerous massage techniques that you can use, such as effleurage, vibration, sliding, etc. You may also experiment with different pressure or lightness in your touch, or different speeds of movement, or use different parts of your hands to touch, or even use other parts of your body as your instruments. Your intuition may be ignited. It may become an interactive game that brings you both to new heights of sensuality. And most importantly, wear your heart at your fingertips when you touch.
Explore and discover
Start with a full-body massage. Take an excursion into the body and explore every part of it. Let your curiosity take the reins. Discover the most secret erogenous zone, or let yourself be surprised by how you or your lover would respond. You may be inspired about what to do next as you perceive how your lover responds in receiving your touch. You may culminate the tantric massage with a Yoni Massage, Lingam Massage, or Prostate Massage. Or you may simply make it a pleasure stroll together without a pre-determined path or destination. Enjoy the details. Enjoy the journey.
The key to expanding sensuality is to slow down all your massage moves. Take your time. Move at half the speed at which you would do normally. Then slow down again by half of that speed. That is your baseline to begin. When slowed down, both of you can pay so much more attention to each touch. This slow pace really is the magic of a tantric touch. Resist the temptation to push too fast to a peak when the desire heats up, or you may never discover the magic of slowness. Having said that, do vary the pace, creating excitement with faster movements, like adding fodder to the fire. But always return to slow motion, or even some stillness. You will see what difference it makes.
Harness your energy
Managing energy is about focus. In a tantric massage, you can harness your energy by focusing your attention on the touch. Both of you will receive information directly from the point of contact, at skin level or even deeper. There may be sensations of warmth, tingling, vibrations, currents, etc. As you bring your awareness to this language of energy, it will actually intensify and become even easier for you to notice. As a giver, be fully present, especially in your hands while you are touching. For the receiver as well, be fully present and focus primarily on your sensations where you are being touched.
Notice how you feel emotionally, notice how your partner feels too. Allow all feelings to show up. Keep noticing whatever comes up. Embrace everything with your full presence. If intense emotions arise, either in you or your lover, come to stillness to contemplate it. You may even verbalize your feelings if it feels natural to do. When you allow it, this is a secret key to deepening your connection.
Keep communication open during the tantric massage. As a giver, check in regularly with your beloved to see how he or she feels. As a receiver, your feedback can guide and support your lover to understand what works well, if you are enjoying it, or if anything can benefit from some adjustment. Give positive feedback explicitly. Allow yourself to moan to your pleasure. Show your appreciation with your confirmation. When it goes well, let your lover hear your "yes" clear and loud.
Resist the temptation
Do not end a tantric massage with love-making. Try not to let the tantric massage become just foreplay. But rather, make it a special occasion of pure adoration. Let every touch be an offering of your attention and care. Acknowledge each moment of receiving touch with gratitude and appreciation. This temporary abstinence actually kindles your fire in a deeper way. As the tantric massage opens up your senses and deepens your body awareness, you will become more sensual and sensitive, and you will be empowered with a higher capacity for feeling and giving pleasure.
Part 3: The end is always a beginning
Come into a long embrace when the tantric massage finishes. Let your arms envelop each other, and let your legs intertwine. Let your hands rest on the backs of each other. Sense your own heartbeat and the heartbeat of each other. Simply relax into each other's arms. Let all sensations, emotions, sweetness, arousal, and the whole tantric experience gently melt and softly seep through your whole being. Forget about time.
Express your gratitude to each other for the gift of this tantric massage. Hold each other's hand and look into each other's eyes when you express your gratitude for the gift of this tantric massage, and the precious intimacy time together. Show your appreciation with your words, your gaze, or other gestures, for the dedication, trust, and openness to explore together this mystical realm of where sensuality meets awareness.
Feedback is the practice of communicating thoughtfully, deeply, and authentically about intimacy with your lover. Share with each other how you feel about this tantric massage experience. You may try taking turns to express yourself, and taking turns to listen. When it is your turn to express yourself, allow the voice in your mind, body, and heart be heard. When it is your turn to listen, then truly listen without interrupting or rushing to give a reply. See how it goes. Emphasize everything that you liked and everything that you feel has gone well for you this time. Give your compliments. Give your encouragement. Share the details and the juiciness. Feedback is not about criticism. For something that you feel may go better, express it too, and maybe even find suggestions together for next time.
The power of a tantric massage between lovers is a magic of its own kind. This guide gives you a good foundation for all tantric massages. I hope it can inspire you and give you the confidence to try it out with your lover.
Some of the principles are also applicable to all types of massage, and will certainly bring it to a deeper level. Some principles are also the foundation for conscious intimacy, embodied self-love, etc. So, let yourself be inspired and bring these tools to a wider spectrum of intimacy or relating with others in your life.
Having said that, basics are basics. We will rise together to an advanced level, to revisit the whole process with more subtleties and depths. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
Now is the time for practice.
If you do not yet feel confident in attempting this tantric massage with your lover directly, and would like to have professional guidance, contact me now.
In the upcoming articles in this series, I will delve into the specifics of yoni massage, lingam massage, and prostate massage. Upcoming articles in this series: