What is a Prostate Massage?
A prostate massage is a healthy practice to decrease the risk of inflammation and cancer in the prostate. The prostate is a gland located above the perineum, between the anus and the scrotum, a few centimetres into the body. The prostate can be slightly stimulated externally, but a proper massage needs to be performed from inside the rectum. It is performed by the practitioner entering a finger in the anus to stimulate the gland.
Uncertainties regarding prostate massage
There are a lot of fears, shame, and insecurities regarding prostate massage and anal play which are present in our current society.
I have come across a few couples (these examples are heterosexual couples) where the women have been turned down to explore, one reason being he had a hemorrhoid which he related to pain and shame, another being “I’m not gay” and was not open to any exploration.
No opposite example is when a man has realised his anal pleasure potential but were shamed in earlier relationships for wanting his ass to be played with and now feel scared of asking for it even if he is in a relationship where she is open to it, just not every time.
A last example is a man in the tantric scene, where prostate massage is common practice, and he does it more because he should rather than because he likes it.
What I want to share with these examples are that men have huge pleasure potential in their anus and rectum, but some men block themselves from the experience even if it’s offered, others get shamed for it based on everything from fears, lack of interest to social norms. And then there are men that either has traumas blocking their pleasure in the anus and rectum, but just as likely, he might not have as many nerve-endings around the anus and just feel more pleasure somewhere else.
I will go through a few of the different insecurities below to shine some light to the common thoughts, but the main thing that I want you to take with you is:
It is ok to like and enjoy anal and prostate stimulation, it is ok to prefer anal over prostate or prostate over anal, it is ok not to explore it. It might not be your cup of tea but getting more knowledge might open you to realise if it is your desire or your fears that are running the show.
Start exploring Prostate massage with your partner
Are you scared that your partner or other people will think you are gay if you ask for your anus to be played with? Just as women want to be with someone that understands their desire for certain types of pleasure (even if there might be a learning curve), men deserve to have that feeling too. In my examples, there are women out there that would like to play with your anus and prostates, and others that are socially conditioned and might have a learning curve and adjustment period, others might not be up for it.
A way to introduce this type of experience if your partner still is hesitant, is to explore tantra. There are many teachings on the benefits of becoming a better lover, becoming multi orgasmic, and increasing intimacy through playing with the anus, prostate, and rectum. Your partner might be open to trying tantra and through that, anal and prostate play as well. Try using this with honesty of learning more without pressure, not as a manipulation move.
If you are aware of your prostate pleasure, it is possible to get addicted to the sensation, especially if it has been an unexpressed longing for a long time, alternatively there has been shame or rejection regarding anal or prostate stimulation. This addiction can even push away partners that are open and excited to play with you. This might be a time to visit a tantric bodyworker to both be able to feel the sensation you are desiring and to work on releasing your shame or other feelings you might have about your desire. Doing this usually releases pressure from the relationship but be aware of the need to communicate with your partner about seeing a professional, maybe even have your partner in the consultation.
If I like it, am I gay?
The number one fear for men regarding having his anus approached, seems to be “If I like it, am I gay?” This makes me so sad! Men have huge pleasure potential in the anal, perineum, rectum, and prostate area of their body. So, feeling pleasure in that area is normal. What makes you gay is who you are attracted to, who you want to play with or be played with, not where you would like to experience sensations on your body.
Having pleasure from your anus as a man gives you the possibilities of having so many more types of sensations and even orgasms that can be explored with your partner.
What pleasure potential am I missing out on?
Around the anus is a large number of nerve endings, giving potential for an orgasm just through outer stimulation. Just to be clear, an orgasm is not the same as ejaculation, this type of orgasm is often similar to female orgasms even if there might be an ejaculation.
The most common restriction for how rough and how long you can explore the rectum and prostate is the anal canal. This area limits play due to how much friction you can handle. The anus is much more fragile, and it doesn’t self-lubricate as a vagina, so plenty of lube is recommended. More details on how to play in the upcoming blogs!
The prostate can give massive sensations and orgasms, with or without ejaculation. The experience of ‘milking the prostate’ which can be deeply healing practice is flushing the prostate from sedimentation.
There are muscles to massage and relax and other pleasure spots in the rectum that can be pleasured (i.e. the Kundalini gland) and nerve bundles. It’s a whole world to explore!
Is it safe to do a prostate massage?
Receiving an injury is a totally legitimate concern. There are many reasons to have issues in the anal canal, such as removed hemorrhoids or still have active ones, fissures (small cuts that leaves scars usually caused by dry bowel movements), and other over-stretching that causes trauma to the inner lining of the anal canal or the sphincters. Scars by nature reduce the ability to stretch.
What to think about if you have any of the issues above, is that you need to be even more careful with what you are doing. The mind can sometimes say “everything is ok” when it’s not, so make sure you listen and connect with your body and the other person, and follow your gut feeling. If you feel insecure or scared, your body will naturally contract, which increases the risk of injury. If this happens, don’t go further or push anything. Maybe consider reaching out to a professional tantric bodyworker that can guide the experience for you as a couple or during a one-on-one session.
Is it safe to do a prostate massage?
In the next blog I will share with the most common fear regarding prostate massage, which is “am I clean enough?”
I will share about what is normal, what you can do if you feel insecure and give you a practical guide of what to do and not to do when cleaning your rectum!