1. Set the scene for the Tantric Massage

Allow some dedicated time and space for the tantric massage to take place. It is a good idea to ensure that you won’t be disturbed during the session, so switch off your phone. If you have children, you may want to wait until they’ve gone to bed, or are away. You can prepare the space by adding some objects that may be pleasing to your senses. Light some candles or use low lighting for the room, and burn some aromatherapy oils or incense for a pleasant smell. You may have some small amounts of food nearby for the sense of taste, such as pieces of fruit or raisins. The intention is not to have a full meal so keep it light! Find some colourful materials or objects that you like to look at to decorate the space. You may also want to use soft or silky sheets for the bed, or whatever textures you enjoy feeling on your skin. Background music that you like can help to finish setting the scene.

2. Connect with your partner

Take some time to connect with your partner. One way is to sit opposite each other, look into each other’s eyes and take some breaths together. You can choose to share how you are feeling about the session, your boundaries and intentions. Sharing some touch, such as a hug, can also be a nice way to build connection.

3. Breathe and stay in the present moment

Whether as the giver or receiver, stay aware of your breath throughout the session. This can help you to stay present with each other and the experience. You can also expand your awareness to incorporate all of your senses. This means noticing what you can see, smell, hear, touch and taste from moment to moment.

4. Take time and be creative

There is no need to rush a tantric massage, and you can really take the time to slow down. Explore your partner’s body. Experiment with different types of touch, varying the speed and pressure. Ask the receiver for feedback as to whether something feels good for them or not. Invite them to ask for the kind of touch that they want. Remember to massage the whole body (if that is wanted by the receiver), without rushing to get to the yoni massage or lingam massage.

5. Let go of expectations

Let go of any goals or expectations. A tantric massage may include genital massage, or it may not. It may involve having orgasms, or it may not. Stay present with what is there and allow the experience to unfold. Allow the body to relax and notice what comes up for you, both as the giver and the receiver.

6. Allow healing to take place

Although a tantric massage can involve the experience of a lot of pleasure and arousal for the receiver, it can also be much more than that. Tantric healing therapy also works with meeting everything that there is in the body. This means that physical discomfort, numbness, or emotions are also likely to be experienced during a session. Touching the body can evoke memories of past events or emotional ‘flashbacks’ from an earlier life. The professional giver of a tantric healing will hold the space for the client, allowing whatever comes up to be consciously experienced. This can allow the unwanted to be let go of, or to be more fully integrated into the person’s awareness. This can allow the client to feel more peace, joy and pleasure in their life.

More information

For more information or to book a session, click here. I offer sessions in Teesside/ North Yorkshire and London.


“Tantric Sex” by Kavida Rei

“Urban Tantra” by Barbara Carellas

“Complex PTSD: from Surviving to Thriving” by Pete Walker

“The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk