There’s still a lot of controversy around the tantric massage, especially the part called the lingam massage. In simple terms, the lingam massage is a massage of a man’s private parts. Naturally, a question pops to mind: is the lingam massage any different from an erotic massage, also called a ‘happy ending’ massage? Sure enough, both – the lingam massage and the erotic “happy ending” massage include touching the genitals and can be very pleasurable. Yet, there is still a certain unclarity regarding the lingam massage and the “happy ending” massage and many people cannot tell one from the other. In this article, I’d like to first look at the possible reasons for this ambiguity. Then, I will share with you five major characteristics of the lingam massage and how it is different from erotic massages.


Confusion around the lingam massage


It must be noted that the word “tantra” is now used widely by erotic massage professionals to simply add some exoticism to their services. Any random google search for “tantra” or “tantric massage” will first take you to erotic massage parlours websites, which is quite misleading. Moreover, despite of a significant progress in the field of human sexuality and a gradual renunciation of certain conservative religious dogma, as a society we are still very much limited when it comes to our approach to sex. The mainstream still struggles to acknowledge that the need for sensual pleasure is inherent to the human being. This is mirrored in the fact that it is still hard for most of us to talk openly and in a respectful way about our sex life, free from taboos and prejudices. No wonder, then that most people will assume that the lingam massage or tantric massage is an equivalent of an erotic ‘happy ending’ massage. Sadly, this state of affairs reduces the whole philosophy of Tantra and its enormous healing potential to a simple erotic massage.


Five characteristics of the lingam massage


Let us then take a look at five major characteristics of the Lingam massage and compare them to what is commonly called a ‘happy ending’ massage.  

1. The lingam massage is a healing practice

In deed - the lingam massage is a powerful healing practice. The word itself: lingam, comes from Sanskrit and is usually translated as “wand of light” – it is a channel that transfers energy and pleasure. By giving it a new name, we liberate the male genitalia from all the negative associations. According to the ancient knowledge of Tantra and the Tao, in the lingam we can find reflex points that can be used for relaxation, as well as for healing old traumas and to improve overall wellbeing. It is strikingly different from an erotic massage, where the main focus is on giving pleasure by producing friction, which inevitably leads to ejaculation. The lingam massage is a fairly complex procedure that aids removing physical and emotional blockages, helps to overcome erectile dysfunctions and rejuvenates the body and mind.

2. No pressure to reach the orgasm

The lingam massage is NOT focused on the orgasm. This seems to be the case when it comes to the “happy ending” erotic type of massage, where men expect to have an orgasm each time they receive a massage. In the lingam massage the focus lies on awakening the sexual energy which is then extended over the entire body. The point here is to ground the person and to bring them closer in contact with their own body.  By discovering new erogenous zones and by strengthening the connection between the person’s sexual center and the rest of the body, we become more sensual and much more sensitive.

3. Preserving the sexual energy 

There is no need for ejaculation in the lingam massage. Tantra and the practice of Tao teach us that by ejaculating in an uncontrolled way, men lose their vital force. Therefore, through a professional tantric massage and the lingam massage we learn how to channel our own sexual energy and how to move it upwards, from the genital area towards the heart and the head. Sexual energy is very powerful – it’s our true  life force, therefore being able to move it along the spine helps us to open our heart and to brings us to a higher consciousness. By doing this, a person learns how to receive pleasure without expectation and how to remain relaxed yet energized. Most men who receive a professional lingam massage for the first time, are surprised to discover that they don’t need to ejaculate yet feel totally satisfied and full of energy.

4. Sexual tantric meditation

The lingam massage is a meditative practice. The sessions are usually much longer compared to erotic massages and allow you to enter into deeper relaxation. They also include breathing exercises, so the man remains active in the act of receiving by consciously focusing on his breath. He might be prompted to follow some visualizations or to maintain eye contact in order to increase the levels of concentration and body awareness. For example, by focusing on the connection between the sex and the heart we help the person to embody a more heart-centered sexuality (as opposed to genital-centered sexuality)

5. Bringing sex and spirituality together

The lingam massage is a spiritual practice. It is a kind of ritual, where prior to the session, both the receiver and the giver establish their intentions and their personal boundaries. In the erotic massage the giver is usually required to be naked or partially naked in order to provide visual stimulus to the receiver. In the lingam massage, the receiver is encouraged to look deeper within themselves and thus to be reunited with their true essence. As far as the giver, it is their personal choice as to whether remain clothed, partially clothed or fully naked. In the lingam massage, we focus on providing a safe container where the person who receives can allow themselves to be vulnerable and to heal anything that needs healing with a lot of respect towards oneself and toward the other.


To sum up, I want to stress that in no way my intention is to criticize the art of the erotic massage or the “happy ending” massage, for they surely are very pleasant and relaxing for the body and the mind. And probably in some cases they do have positive impact on a person’s emotions and their mental state. However, it is of utmost importance to be able to see the differences between erotic massage and the healing lingam massage. Understanding how each of those types of treatments work and what they consist of, will help us to determine what it is that we need and what we are looking for, and will also help us avoid misunderstandings or disappointments.