Tantric Massage - Definition.

A tantric massage is a loving touch, full of attention and presence without predetermined result, given from the heart. In a tantric massage, the whole body participates and erogenous zones can also be touched. Of course, always with respect for (mutual) boundaries. Tantra massage is an energetic massage in which sexual energy is also welcome. The purpose of a tantric massage is to “bring” the receiver in (the direction of) a natural, ecstatic state of being.


When asked about the basics of tantra, it can be simply stated in five simplistic ways as to how to do tantric massage. If the following five tips are acknowledged and followed, the giver/receiver partners may find that the world will open up tremendously, not only in the privacy of touch but within every part of life.

Before you begin, make sure to have a clean and warm room, clean towels and warm massage oil. Take shower to clean yourself physically and do a short visualization to clear yourself energetically.


1. Be present with your partner/client

The number 1 rule in tantric massage is to be present with your partner or client. It is not the technique or the sequence of massage that is important, but what matters is that you will be able to connect with your partner’s or client’s body and be fully present. Each tantric massage is different based on what the receiver needs most at the moment. Love knows what to do, love always has an appropriate response and love will guide the giver to exactly what is needed. It is sufficient that the giver is present and continues to tune into his / her heart and connect to the partner/client with love.


2. Respect your partner’s / client’s boundaries

We had known for a long time, but since the start of the #MeToo movement, a few things have come loose in the world of tantra massage. Masseurs (you don't hear much about masseuses) who celebrate their own sexual pleasure/lust on “clients”. That, of course, has little to do with a tantra massage. The safety of both the receiver and the giver must always be guaranteed. Loving coordination is always paramount. Make clear agreements in advance. Everyone has their own limits. This is human and is also necessary. So think in advance, both giver and receiver, what are your limits and how will you stay within those limits? Insist on a good intake and preparation, also with your lover/massage partner. Make clear agreements in advance.

It is a misconception that a tantric massage must always be naked. With clothes on it is also completely okay, although it is difficult to work with (warm) oil. It is also a misconception that with a tantric massage the focus should be on the calibrated sexual body parts such as breasts and sex. We have personally done and "undergone" many tantric head massages. In fact, any body part can feel sensual, depending on the sensitivity of the person receiving and the trust between the giver and receiver in regard to the installed boundaries.


3. Make a connection

Before starting the massage, one of the best ways to connect with your partner or client is, to begin with, eye gazing. Sit comfortably across from one other and gently look into each other’s eyes, while releasing any judgements you may have of your partner or yourself. Allow yourself to look beyond the face, beyond the body, beyond the gender and replace that with a connection with the soul of the person who is sitting across from you. After a while, you can reach out from the stillness and gently place hands to touch each other’s heart, if that’s ok with both of you.


4. Engaging the heart for men and women

It’s an age-old saying that “The way to a man’s heart is through his penis” Men, in general, have an abundance of sexual energy in their genital area.  This sexual energy can be moved to the heart and eventually spread throughout the whole body. When this happens the entire body can become more energetic and orgasmic. This is called the “Full body orgasm”.  

For women, first release the confines of the heart, by gaining their trust and by setting clear boundaries. Then gradually warm up the secondary and primary erogenous zones, ie. the breast and the external genital area and very last the clitoris and the G-spot.

It’s important to keep in mind that though the normal sex orgasm may well be part of tantra massage, the direction of sacredness, of the natural ecstatic state of being.


5. Keep your focus on your partner’s or client’s need until the end.

Some masseurs are mainly focusing on what they themselves find desirable. As a giver, you must let go your own needs and desires, stay away from your own issues and not impose anything on the recipient. Tune in to what the receiver needs. Trust your intuition. Your partner or client may fall asleep, they may become emotional, or they may experience deep pleasure. Keep in mind tantric massage has the goal to allow what comes up each moment.


These tips may seem simple. They are meant to be this way. It is about the receiver simply listening to the wishes and desires and adhering to the boundaries of the body in front of them. It is about trust in receiving and being in allowance of what more can unfold as those installed boundaries are honored. When the 5 tantric tips are followed, the giver/receiver may find that their world split open to new possibilities, not only within the elements of touch but within every part of life, experiencing it in a new and ecstatic sense of being.